Should grown-ups form clubs?

This is an old phone box in a village close to where I live that has been turned in to a free book swap. It’s charming isn’t it? I’m planning to drop in a couple of paperbacks before Christmas.

I’m not as much of a reader as I would like to be, but I am a member of a book club. There are only six of us. We meet at least once a month, drink prosecco, and discuss books for about 2% of the time. We sometimes go on special Book Club Outings, it’s all very lovely.

No one has ever asked to join us, or even made me feel they might be in the slightest bit interested. I’m sure they’re not. In fact, this is the first time I’ve given the matter any thought.

I think I have been working on a general assumption that we’re of an age where everyone is fine with the fact that we all have different groups of friends. We get on with our business, and accept that we won’t be invited to everything, all the time.

Not about the kids, book club, Helen Perry

I only questioned this recently when someone made an off-the-cuff remark about another mum’s ‘club’. They had organised some drinks that she (not a member) was not included in. She just said “why do they have to call it a club?” She was obviously a hurt, and had decided that the whole thing was childish.

Are we guilty of exactly the kind of behaviour that we chastise the children for? Forming exclusive cliques that make other friends feel, well, a bit crummy for not being involved in?

It reminded me of another conversation I’d had with a woman who said that she would love to be in a book club, but had been told that she couldn’t be part of a local one, because she didn’t live on the right street!

Even though I tell myself I’m fine about it, I’m not immune to feeling a tinge of hurt if I’m not invited to something I would enjoy. I’m sure this will be the case whatever age I am.

I’m not saying ban book clubs, or any other club. It’s often just an excuse for a group of mates to make sure they get together regularly. However, I’m not too old to be reminded to consider other people’s feelings. I’ll try remember that if someone’s not in my club, they almost definitely aren’t going to be interested in me banging on about what we are up to.

I’d love to know what you think, please comment below and we can chat.

What's your View?

6 comments on “Should grown-ups form clubs?

  1. Dinkytoycar23 on

    I completely agree with what you say and also empathise with the woman who didn’t get invited to join. I am at the stage where I have brought up my 2 boys on my own and they have their own lives so I’m flirting with empty nest syndrome. I go to work, the gym and am currently starting a degree with the OU which I love. But currently my wheeliebin goes out more than I do. So it would be great to have/form groups for like minded women.
    By the way – good luck with the blog!

  2. @not_about_the_kids2017 on

    Thank you my love, very kind of you to wish me good luck. I think sometimes people can just get over looked, unintentionally, are perhaps aren’t the kind of people who feel that they can ask to be included. Just worth remembering isn’t it? Go ahead and start your own Book Club, or something different if that’s not up your street xxx

  3. Lorraine on

    Hi Helen and well done for starting your blog, could always see you doing this!

    I love our book club and know for a fact there are other mothers who would join it given half a chance, but as you say, why not start your own? Easy enough to do, think quite a lot of women of a certain age are in them now ?

  4. @not_about_the_kids2017 on

    Hello my love! Thank you for taking a moment to read my ramblings. Our book club is a bit special for various reasons, not least your Tarot Nights xxx

  5. Helen on

    We have said ‘no’ to people joining our book club because there are 10 of us in it and we just felt that any more would be too many for people to host, etc. It’s a mix of people from different schools and about 5 of them I had never met before a close friend asked me to join. I love the fact that’s it’s not just my normal day to day mates.
    I would never organise a ‘club’ with a majority of one group but excluding people (we did this at School and I look back and cringe) – which is why it’s always carnage at my house because I can’t say no to another Mum joining in as we traipse home for Wine Friday!!!

  6. @not_about_the_kids2017 on

    You are always brilliant at including people Helen. I also think that if book clubs get too big they can fizzle out (there’s less of a commitment to turn up), and where do you meet? I just hadn’t really considered that people might find themselves feeling excluded, it’s good to remember to be kind! Lots of love, Hx

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